This Lady Knits

To the driver of the maroon Nissan Sentra on I 405 S, this morning:

Thank you for not hitting me this morning. 

While I realize that you probably have somewhere to go and traffic is not moving to your liking.  I also realize that you simply wanted to cross in front of me to get to the carpool lane that was moving.  You probably also had your turn signal on to let me know that you wanted in front of me, but I didn’t see it.  All I saw was you, trying to switch lanes in front of me, well except it wasn’t exactly in front of me, in was more like into my engine.  I truely would have liked to have accomodated you, however, the only way I could have done that was to put my car in reverse, and while it is a free way, I don’t believe that would include going backwards in the farthest lane to the left (except for the carpool lane) so instead I have that thingy in the middle of my steering wheel a tap to let you know that there was a car (mine) in the space that you wished to occupy.  A friendly little tap, just to let you know. Apparently, I was being rude and for that I apologize, since you saw fit to gesture at me with one particular finger and give me a dirty look.

 Let’s take a look at the facts, it was rush hour, traffic was not moving, as so often happens during rush hour.  You had just entered the freeway, I know this because I saw you switch lanes without regard for the other drivers you cut off, but at least the car in front of them was moving (albiet ever so slowly).  The lane I was in was not moving, I know this because I was not moving and neither was the car in front of me. So when you decided to pull into my lane, I’m sure you still had your signal on from the 2 lane changes you had just done, I do apologize for being in the space you then wanted to occupy.  I’m sure you had the right of way, since your turn signal was probably on, and that seems to give drivers the right of way here, but I really would like to see where that’s on paper, if that is the case I will gladly play by the rules, and be sure that everyone, including myself, has the right of way because they have turned on a turn signal, and next time it happens, I’ll be sure to throw my car into reverse to see that I’m playing by the rules, even if it means hitting the car behind me.

 I once again would like to express my sincerest thanks for not hitting me this morning, and I do hope you got to where you were going on time, I certainly did.  Oh and also my deepest apologies for being in the space you wanted to occupy on a freeway that wasn’t moving. I suppose next time I won’t hit that thing in the middle of the steering wheel, I guess I was being rude and should have just let you hit me, I will be sure to remember that next time I see a maroon Nissan Sentra.

To the Justice System in L.A. County:

I would love to do my civic duty and serve on your jury, however, it’s really not possible at this time.  You see, I no longer live in your county, as a matter of fact I have moved out of the state.  It would be a terrible inconvenience for me to be available for Jury Duty the 2nd week in July. 

I do apologize it has taken me so long to respond to your summons, but the summons was forwarded to my parents house, the postal system did get that right since that’s where I told them to forward my mail, but my parents saw fit to be out of the country when the summons arrived.  I have called your number to let you know that I will be unavailable that week, and any other week for that matter, to serve on your jury, since to do so would cost me great time and exspense at an inconvenient time.  I did also RSVP with said documentation to show that I am now no longer a resident of LA county.

Thank you for the invite to your “party” but I deeply regret I am unable to attend at this time. 

 P.S. Would you please remove me from your roster, for unless future summons coinside with a planned vacation, I will have to continue to decline your invites.